you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
