Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
