went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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