My first STD was from a foam party
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
