I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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