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just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
and you fell through a lawn chair
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
tell me about the eggs
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
