Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
