Cold hands, warm shart.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Randomize
