i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
