Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
