worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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