watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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