My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
