Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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