and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
