Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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