there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
