You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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