I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
