Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Randomize
