you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
