gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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