I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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