wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Randomize
