Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
