do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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