Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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