It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
