wrigley field is MILF paradise
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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