so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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