An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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