This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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