All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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