I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
