Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
