I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
