And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
