But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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