I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
