Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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