the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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