I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
