I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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