Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My vagina is officially offended.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
