Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
