so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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