I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
