could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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