the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
