we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
