i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
