I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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